| poetic interpretation of tonight |
[Mar. 24th, 2007|02:49 am] |
Picking up glass on the floor,
My table is fucked
Breathing abnormal
Is he gonna be alright?
Sure he is, we all are
Nobody lives in the space
Between his vomit and the tiles
Fucker drank too quick
Now he’s the prince of my bathroom
And another is too pissed to relax
My cat was exiled to my own room
Dropout monks meditating to Buddha,
Getting nowhere, smoking a cig
As my cat sits on my window sill
Suddenly turned,
“What in God’s name happened?”
“hell if I know. I was only here”
“Is he dead”
“nope, that’d be too easy”
“ain’t that the truth”
“Sure Cat, everything is.”
I check on the prince
Smells like shit
Sleeping like a baby
I just realized I’m still wearing his ring
Here I thought
There I thought
I thought I was lighter
But he’s the one passed out,
And I’m the only one with a cool head
I’ll wait til the sun comes
Cause I’m the guardianangelnow
not the angelofdeath
click click whirl
time slowed down just to piss me off
shame it can’t won’t
“Who are you talking to?”
“No one really, anyone that’ll listen”
fuck,
oh, false alarm
the prince is alright
I’m still-oh a sound!
He fails about again
Making primitive noises unconsciously
Bruises on his head from the table
Vomit solidifying on his hand
Shaking like clock work,
Maybe I should shut the window
How much longer than I watchoverhim?
My eyesheavy
Spaceshipnumb
“Wait, what?”
“Not so sure anymore”
“well that’s clear”
“I’m talking to my cat”
“But whats crazier is that I’m talking back”
For a second I blink and I’m somewhere else
But only for that flash and I’m back
It happens so often I stopped “whatthefuck”ing
Long time ago
Now I’m the only one againawake
He’s passed out infront of the candle that Buddha holds
Clockworkclockworkclock
Goddamnit
where are my pretty Goddesses and Muse’s when I want them?
Nowheretobefound
Cause we’re all waiting to be found
Pitty we have to find ourselves first
Am I the only one then?
“what about me?”
“you’re a cat, you don’t count.”
“neither do you
“this is true”
“ain’t it?
“sure, sure it is”
slag voom ban Loon
I’ll go look for comfort in the moon
Fuckit, g’night kids
You’ll all be awake later
Once Ra raises again |
|
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| Life is good, part 5 |
[Mar. 23rd, 2007|01:14 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  happy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Beethoven - Ilegro ma non troppo, un poco maestoso | ] |
I sat back today by my open window, drinking tea listening to Beethoven. Eventually, I started lying in bed and started falling asleep listening to the 4th movement of Beethoven's 9th symphony and it hit me
life is good
:D |
|
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| I DID IT FOR THE LULZ!!! |
[Feb. 15th, 2007|04:33 pm] |
V-day plan SUCCESSFUL
Candle-lit dinner-picnic in a fort in my family room with deliciously classy Hot-n-Ready pizza and Jones Soda. |
|
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| Wow, who didn't see that one coming? |
[Jan. 9th, 2007|07:03 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Bangladesh, Dhaka | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hungry | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Orb - Back Side Of The Moon | ] |
I got a rather immature responce and I responded with immaturity as well. (though I will admit what I did wasn't all that great to begin with) I laughed. You know, I find it funny how whenever I do something childish or immature in any degree, I start anaylzing why I did it, and I try to correct the behavior in my mind so I won't do it again. My conclusion was thus: it was kinda like that was the last hurrah of an old me lying deep down.
He can rest easy now, nothing more will ever need to be done.
G'night brother, your time is over. |
|
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| Let it be man, let it be. |
[Jan. 8th, 2007|06:44 pm] |
whoa whoa update!?!?!? fo sho.
-----
It starts to get scary when I have a dream, wake up, and instantly say "Oh shit... something really bad is going to happen to person X." Then lo and behold, a few days later, it does.
For a second I was considering not naming names, but in all honesty, I don't think that the people involved are going to be looking at this anyway. But if you are, all I have to say to you is: "You have my sympathy" and "I told you so."
But yea, long story short: cat's outta the bag, Amy's fucked, I lol'ed. Hard.
Today I was wondering why I found such pleasure in the finding out of that news. Cause, I mean... if you were there, I was fucking rofl-ing hardcore. Sure, you could blame it on the alcohol, but trust me, it was mainly the news. If anything, blame my silly actions that I did MUCH later on the alcohol.
Buuuut anyway, I started considering why this made me so happy. I mean, after all, (and I have a feeling no one is going to believe me on this one) but I honestly don't have any negative feelings for either Amy or Derrick. I don't wish any of them harm. Hate is but a thing that brings nothing but pain and suffering for all of those involved. I won't lie, yea I hated the both of them for awhile, then I let go of the hate of Amy, and sometime during the summer hate for Derrick faded away like smoke. So, why the hell was I so happy?
Sure, you could say that the hate never actually went away. But I beg to differ, it's just too bad that it's no way I could actually prove that to you, other than to say that I tried becoming Amy's friend again. Or how I tried to warn her when I had that series of bad dreams about her, which came true each time.
There's also the idea that I wanted revenge for past actions. But, I don't regret anything that happened, nor do I hold any sort of grudge due to anyone's past actions. In fact, once I was informed that it looks like the poor thing will be kicked out of the house when she turns 18, I instantly felt some sympathy and a hint of sorrow. So, if I wanted revenge, you'd think that I'd be happy with this news. (No, I was not told this bit when I was told the news.)
Alright, so, maybe I wanted her to suffer a little bit, as opposed to alot. Well, this makes the most amount of sense thus far, but like I stated before, I honestly did not wish them any harm, and I did not bother to hear about the after effects when first told.
Huh... so I kept thinking, maybe it was just due to the fact that it happened. Just the fact that the truth was told made me really happy. It's almost like Karma did me a favor once I let go of all that hatred that was holding me back. lol... but karma's not supposed to hit you until you die. Oh well! Eh, I dunno. This idea seems to make the most amount of sense to me, which I guess is all that really matters. I keep trying to think that maybe there really is some hatred deep down inside, but the more I think about it, the less I'm convinced of it.
A few weeks ago, I did a Mettā medatation (which means unconditional and unattached loving kindness), and the effects were felt almost instantly. For those that don't know:
(stolen from wiki)
"The object of mettā meditation is to cultivate loving kindness (love without attachment, non-exclusive love) towards all sentient beings. The practice usually begins with the meditator cultivating loving kindness towards themselves (though this is not specifically recommended by the Buddha himself in the relevant suttas/sutras), then their loved ones, friends, teachers, strangers and finally their enemies. It is a good way to calm down a distraught mind because it is an antidote to anger. Someone who has cultivated mettā will not be easily angered and can quickly subdue anger that arises. They will be more caring, more loving, and more likely to love unconditionally."
Well, guess who I used as the enemy. lol. But seriously, upon doing this, I felt more at peace and had a hard time being angry at people. I even tested myself and found that anger has been having a hard time coming up. Frustration, yes, anger, no.
Regardless, it's a rather nice feeling that been over me since. It's this whole hippie-ish "love life" thing that I've been feeling. Dan and I make jokes all the time about how I'm becoming a hippie, and I try to shrug off that idea, but it seems to make sense. I mean, I guess I pretty much AM a hippie, minus the love of pot and the fact that I'm still kinda clean cut in appearance. (Metro-hippie...? whoaa... that sounds like an oxymoron.) I mean, more and more I've been staying calmer longer, been more mellow overall, more carefree, and been avoiding things that "give off bad vibes."
I dunno, but the whole, unconditional love thing has been very nice. I can't help but feel affection towards... like... everything. Life is good, I got nothing to complain about. Sure, I won't lie and say I don't want some sort of female companion to love in the future. But I've come to realize that isn't necessary, it's just a nice thing to have. And even so, all I'd be doing would be adding a bit more love to a relationship, and making it kinda exclusive. And you know, I'm sitting here trying to think of a way to explain how the whole thing would work out, but I can't. It's almost like it would go beyond words or something. Things will just work out in this weird way that I've been making.
But hey, what do I know?
Life is good, I'ma go drink more tea. |
|
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| :D |
[Dec. 12th, 2006|01:44 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | does it matter? | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  content | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Boards of Canada - The Beach At Redpoint | ] |
As I sit here drinking my tea,
I realize that all is well. |
|
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| Ha! |
[Oct. 16th, 2006|10:05 pm] |
Saw THAT one coming a mile away.
Oh well... *laughs* |
|
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| poetry time |
[Oct. 2nd, 2006|10:45 pm] |
Roses Across the Highway
Funny how I swore to never smell a rose again
How I swore to never prick myself on their sensual thorns
Yet now, from across the highway as
Cars speed by as mere instants of a flash of color
Roaring sounds try to drown out my ears
With an mechanical tsunami of static
There I stand, unwavering
As I glace at a rose bush so far away
Across this chasm
Across this highway of racing cars
Of people on their way,
Always in a rush
Never stopping to smell the flowers
But here I stand,
Swore to never smell a rose
Yet I keep staring at the bush across from me
Hoping for someone to come and take it away
Hoping for someone to come and smell the roses
So I won’t have to
I look around, in an attempt to find other flowers
My darting eyes make my thoughts obvious
But all I see are mounds of concrete on the side of the road
My car totaled, my head in a calm blur
I know I don’t need the roses,
But I wouldn’t mind them in my garden,
I would take the bush from this alien place
And bring it to a place where it can grow and bloom
Back home
The bush, so tender and young
The roses seem to look at me,
Calling me over
Wanting me to come and smell
Maybe asking me to take them somewhere safe
But I really don’t know
I don’t understand the language of flowers
I lean back against the guardrail
Staring at the flowers so far away
The wind blows and I catch a mere glimpse
Of their scent, their beating red rose hearts so beautiful
I don’t care for the sign that yells at me not to cross
The shouts are numbed into nothingness as I stare
As I stare long into the roses I think for a moment
Maybe, just maybe someone will give them a good home
But until then, I think I’ll just look over the highway
And stare at those beautiful roses
The roses so far away
So far away… |
|
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| Lovely Tea, Lovely Day |
[Sep. 29th, 2006|11:59 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Bangladesh, Dhaka | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  awake | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Tenpei Sato - Akai Tsuki | ] |
Wow, it's been awhile since I updated. Things have been going pretty good, nothing to seriously complain about. Though I could use a roommate. John is supposed to room in with me, but he needs some more money first.
This thing where I have two jobs and work everyday is a bit tough, but lucky for me I can slack off at my first one and come in late and no one cares. But... I still hate that job and I'm probably gonna try getting a job at the jimmy john's on campus.
An interesting tidbit, I joined the organization Full Moon Circle at Wayne. It's a pagan/Wicca/occult club/spiritual group, well, that's how I explain it. I went to a meeting recently just to see what it was like, and I was rather surprised to find that the atmosphere was very... peaceful. You know that feeling you get when you walk into an old church? That vibe you sorta get when you're around some sort of "holy man?" (I mean this in the positive way.) It was a bit strange, but I got the same vibe from these people.
Now you might be saying "Wait wait, Tony... you're a pagan/Wicca? Since when?" Well, in one way, I'm not. But in another way, I always was. Being Gnosistic actually opens up a ton of possibilities, and I simply wish to explore them. (And I guess I can blame Krys for lending me that book on Rune Magick for being interested in spells and such.[Thanks Krys, I'm still not done with the book though, I mean, I've read it once or twice, but I'm not done.]) I believe everything and anything is possible, so... I wanna give this a try. Alot of what they do is very interesting and I wish to observe, and then participate, in some of the unique things they do and see how effective they are. Not to mention that I’ve always had an interest in the occult.
I have this feeling that some of my Christian friends will now be "worrying about the fate of my soul" now. But whatever, if they actually want to talk about it, you know I'm open and am willing to debate.
Ah, but my morning tea is ready, so I must be off. |
|
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| POETRY TIME!! |
[Sep. 6th, 2006|10:16 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | happy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Brian Eno - 2 , 2 | ] |
So I came up with this on my way back to my car, running through the rain (hense the title). Long story short: my car was parked on the outskirts of campus, and it was raining HARD.
I enjoyed every second of it though.
Running in the Rain
Though the clouds cover the sun
You still know its day
And as I walk out of the building
Where others wait for the rain to die down
I step out and let it fall on me
I stop for a moment
Letting the first few drops kiss my forehead
Running down until my shirt soaks them up
The rain beings to fall faster
So I acknowledge this with a sprint
Letting the rain hit me harder
Running running as if I can escape,
But knowing that I can’t
As if I’m playing a game
I fly down the side walks
Cross the busy street
Not caring for the destination
All I want is for the ground to hit my feet
My shirt white soaking wet
My long hair now slightly darker straighter
My pants catching the splash
As I can’t help but laugh
Though I am in a city
Surrounded by concrete and buildings
I feel in touch
I feel like a raindrop falling from the sky
I feel like the chucks of concrete that I pass by
Like I am one of the steps
One of the blades of grass
The students and teachers on their way to class
As man’s creations are an extension of man
Man is but an extension of nature
Nature, the extension of Creation
Creation, the Will of the Source
To be in tune with one,
Will lead to it all
And as I stop for a moment and smile
I realize running isn’t going to make me dryer
But that doesn’t matter,
Because I enjoyed the game
I was beaten by the rain
I reach my car and the rain dies down
Tossing in my bag and taking off my shirt
Squeeze out the water
I figure, what could it hurt?
I stop again, raise my head to the sky
Let the final few drops kiss me goodbye
Kissing my cheeks
Falling off my nose
Hugging my chest
It’s sad that I had to go
But it was a fun game, and we’ll play again someday
When again the clouds cover the sun
But I’ll still know the time of day. |
|
|
| :D |
[Aug. 29th, 2006|08:45 pm] |
"Oh what a lovely tea party!" |
|
|
| ugh... |
[Aug. 28th, 2006|12:28 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Bangladesh | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sick | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Boards of Canda - rue the whirl | ] |
Today is a day where I wake up not feeling so great.
But anyway last night I went to Jacob's church. (GASP!) I haven't gone to a church in years and it wasn't even catholic to boot. (Fyi: I haven't been a catholic in years either.) It was very.... interesting. In a good way. Made me think about a few things that I am too lazy to write about now.
I really should've pulled a Discordian when I was there to confuse a few of the kids I talked to, but instead I was on my best behavior and talked only about my gnosistic beliefs.
After that little thing Jacob and I went to Dan's house to see if he was home... we think he was, but wouldn't open the door.
Then to harpos, who was playing WOW.
Then we picked up Alex, went to mejier, bought some Jarritos, went to jacobs, drank said Jarritos, and then bothered Patty Watson. :D
Then we all dispersed and went home. |
|
|
| Being a Pope is good. |
[Aug. 20th, 2006|01:02 pm] |
Going to Trixie's on sundays is good too. Though now I smell like cigs.
But it was worth it, I recited my prose piece "The Perfect Dance." (Formerly known as "The Perfect Fight." My hands were shaking but apparently my voice wasn't. So I'm happy. And everytime I go there I seem to make some friends, which is always nice.
On a pretty much unrelated note: I now feel like I have something to do, because that's what the evidence shows. After all, there have been ALOT of coincidences lately and I can't simply ignore them. Yet, I don't really feel that I have to act. It sounds like it'd be nice, but I'm not sure if the effort will be worth the outcome.
But, I realize that I enjoy doing things just to see the outcome, so I probably will do what may need to be done. Everything happens for a reason, and you should learn from them. The lesson for this mission is highly shrouded in mystery, but I feel as if I can begin to see what is in the distance. Maybe something good will come of this, as I am now a different person than I was months ago.
Gah, whatever, I'm tired and need sleep. Peace out. |
|
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| Holy shit am I gonna have alot of free time.... |
[Aug. 16th, 2006|02:58 pm] |
My Schedule
Monday:
PHI 1100
11:45 am-12:40
COM 2010
3:00 pm-5:00 pm
Tuesday:
PSY 2300
9:35 am-11:25 am
PHI 1100
11:45 am-12:40
U S 2000
1:25 pm-3:15 pm
Wednesday:
PHI 1100
11:45 am-12:40
COM 2010
3:00 pm-5:00 pm
Thrusday:
PSY 2300
9:35 am-11:25 am
U S 2000
1:25 pm-3:15 pm |
|
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| ha! |
[Aug. 8th, 2006|11:35 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Bangladesh | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crazy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Shpongle - When Shall I Be Free- | ] |
It's so funny,
There's so many signs,
but you can't see any of them!
ha ha ha HA HA HA AHAAHAHAHAHAHA!!! |
|
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| Fun with john |
[Aug. 8th, 2006|12:30 pm] |
[12:09] b14ck 0u7: went to a party with my friends to our friend Aria's
[12:09] b14ck 0u7: and it was all like persian kids and minorities and people we didnt know
[12:09] Tikaon: lol
[12:09] b14ck 0u7: and I wondered if that's how like wars started in the old days
[12:10] Tikaon: LOL
[12:10] Tikaon: what happened?
[12:10] b14ck 0u7: like it would just be royalty invited to a horrible party
[12:10] b14ck 0u7: and they'd be like "FUCK YOU THIS SUCKS WERE TAKING YOU OVER"
[12:10] Tikaon: lol
[12:10] b14ck 0u7: i dunno
[12:10] b14ck 0u7: pretty sure thats why history happened
[12:10] Tikaon: bad parties?
[12:11] Tikaon: makes sense
[12:11] b14ck 0u7: becuase persian leaders had a half barrel keg and were charging 5 dollars a cup
[12:11] b14ck 0u7: pretty sure if i was a ruler of a country
[12:11] b14ck 0u7: id be taking over wherever persians natrually reside
[12:11] Tikaon: lol
[12:11] Tikaon: I don't blame you
[12:11] b14ck 0u7: like dearborn and iran or w/e the fuck
[12:11] Tikaon: and I think I'd do the same
[12:11] Tikaon: out of spite
[12:12] b14ck 0u7: yup
[12:12] b14ck 0u7: would be so sick
[12:12] b14ck 0u7: too bad people just like dont take over countries anymore
[12:12] Tikaon: try to manage a stick force while they're still recovering from their hangovers the next morning
[12:12] b14ck 0u7: well... after WWII
[12:12] Tikaon: lol
[12:12] b14ck 0u7: PRETTY BORING IMO
[12:13] b14ck 0u7: where everyone just sits around
[12:13] Tikaon: so you're saying that Hilter Annexed poland and austria because they had a bad party?
[12:13] b14ck 0u7: quite possibly is my theory
[12:13] Tikaon: lol
[12:13] Tikaon: you're a genious
[12:13] b14ck 0u7: like hitler and his beer pong buddies were invited to a polish party
[12:13] b14ck 0u7: and like it was totally gay
[12:14] b14ck 0u7: so they're like "fuck this lets go home and blitzkrieg the fuck out of them"
[12:14] b14ck 0u7: then GG
( More maddness ) |
|
|
| Finally |
[Aug. 5th, 2006|02:27 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Bangladesh | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  amused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Ayumi Hamasaki - Daybreak (Orion Too remix) | ] |
I finally got my class schedual worked out.
w00t indeed, it only took many man hours of aruging with Wayne that various statements they made were full of shit. Then came the actual registering, and I won't even go into the stupid things that I did/didn't notice.
I was going to post my class schedual here for Those That Care, but fucking pipeline is broken again... or it doesn't like me.
--
My lil bro played a game of ShadowRun with us last night. I was extremely excited about that, cause I've wanted him to try playing with us since I started playing. It's more of a social game (or at least my runs are) so I wanted michael to try it and he did pretty good, dispite him walking around when stuff wasn't going on. But I understand that he's a bit impatient, so it's all good. :D
I should feel bad, because my bro didn't follow the rules I had set for everyone else, but I don't. *laughs*
--
I've finished reading all of my books, I'm sad. *laughs* So since I can't afford any at the moment, I've been reading various Gnosistic texts on the intarweb. Good reads. The stuff always puts me into a very contemplative mood, making me think alot.
I've also noticed that they're very inspiring, well for me anyway. I love reading religious texts. Especially when they contain various mythological elements.
--
Hey Braal, if you're reading this, hit me up. I need your help on something. Nothing major, but it might take some time. |
|
|
| ho-ho! |
[Jul. 28th, 2006|03:15 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Bangladesh | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sleepy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | DragonForce - Through The Fire And Flames | ] |
ha HA!
So that's what that was... I'd better be more careful.
--
I think my cat is depressed, he keeps sulking around the house and sits in one spot for HOURS, which isn't like him. He's also begging for my attention alot more. *laughs* I'm not stupid, I know why, but it's just....different.
Ah... been a rough week.
(PS: Kat,sorry about that weird phone call. I'd like to say it was a long story, but it's not. Actually it's not even a short story, it's actually a rather stupid story that I'm not going to waste brain cells explainning. But I can explain that my brain is like this "-->@<--" . If that made any sense to you, awesome, can you explain it to me? The goddess keeps dancing around singing showtunes at a rather high volume.)
PPS: I AM NOT GOING INSANE! HONESTLY! FNORD! |
|
|
| Holy shit |
[Jul. 22nd, 2006|03:13 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  accomplished | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Ooshima Michiru - Zanshi | ] |
Holy fucking shit... my brain. hurt. ow.
I finsihed it guys... the prequel to the novel. Ha... to think it took me almost a year... on and off. 15 pages.
I know some parts need to be re-done. But the hardest part is done.
If anyone wants to give it a read, I'll send it over.... I'ma need some editors/critics.
Now, I need sleep.
Also, all my effort will go into the novel now.... *smiles* |
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